Cynicism: the key to a stress free life

glass-half-empty.jpg

Case Study: 2008 Ohio Democratic primary. 

I realized last night that I wouldn’t have had to go to sleep as stressed out as I did.  I have been sick the last few days and really needed a peaceful night’s rest, and I could of had it had I not decided to check the primary results online before turning in.  Why did I do it?  Anxiety, most likely.  But my anxiousness must have been the result of the fact that I foolishly gave in to that forever-failing mental mirage we humans call hope.  Why did I have faith in Ohio? Did it not screw America hard enough during the 2004 election?  When I think about it, I really had no reason to believe Ohio would come through, but I hoped that it would.  Had I lowered my expectations and been faithful only to my cynical nature, I would have avoided the grief that now grips me. 

The glass-half-empty approach is always the safe way to go.  If two people are trekking across an arid desert towards a refrigerator they see from afar, sitting on a sand dune, and one dude says don’t rush, it’s gonna be empty, and other says no way man, there’s a case of beer inside, I can feel it, and then the second guy runs toward it and opens the door only to find a box of baking soda and a jar of peanut butter [which you couldn’t possibly enjoy if your mouth is dry and you have nothing to drink; also, I think those are the only 2 things in my fridge right now..], he would probably use the last remaining amount of energy he has left to bash his head in with the refrigerator door, because the pain is easier to bear than the disapppointment of dashed hope.  Meanwhile, glass-half-empty dude just keeps walking listlessly, living a little longer and giving the rescue team searching for him [which he doesn’t believe exists] more time to find him.  

Case in point: cynicism = self-preservation.

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