This video is awesome. Great collaboration. Pass it on!
I was reading an old post (actually the last one but I’m a lazy bastard and my last post was almost 2 weeks ago) about how I always break or damage or lose my phones, and I was listing some examples of how these things happened. I mentioned that once my phone was run over by a truck. I began to recall that episode in my head. I remembered the truck being yellow, and fairly small. It had black dashes painted along the side and a lit sign on top with glowing numbers. The driver looked like one of the bad guys in True Lies.
It was a taxi cab. A small regular sized taxi cab.
Had I forgotten this minor detail? No and no. No I did not forget, and no this detail is not minor. But I didn’t lie on purpose, either. I was just writing, lost in my own thoughts and madly orchestrating my fingers to weave a web of words on my keyboard, tangled or otherwise. In my writing trance superfluous details such as facts are sometimes usually disregarded. I’m actually surprised that I didn’t go for a little more. If I could do it over, it would have read as follows:
So I was backwards-worming down the street and my brand new phone that I bought like 12 seconds ago slipped out of my pocket and onto the 10-lane highway. Cars were blazing by for almost a full minute, but amazingly my phone remained unscathed. When the light changed I forward-wormed back out onto the street to get it, but just then the train that runs above-ground in my neighborhood careened off the tracks and plummeted 50 feet right onto my motorola RAZR just as I was leaning in to scoop it up. I easily could have died and I would have (and according to many, should have) but fortunately (unfortunately according to those same aforementioned people who feel that I should have died) Arnold Schwarzenegger saw the train racing towards me through the air and charged and tackled me while yelling Get DoOoWn before his rabidly gutteral Austrian gargle was drowned out by the train exploding directly onto my cellphone. Luckily no one was hurt.
My version would be called “Little Falafel Boy”.
You see how I skillfully toe the line between reality and fantasy? This is a master at work here, folks. Here’s a tip for you newbie bloggers (upstart novelists, screenplay writers, journalists, court reporters, etcetera) — don’t over do it. Por ejemplo, I could have said that when I went back out onto the street to get my phone, I backwards-wormed, just like I did before when I was crossing the street. Yes, backwards-worming is more impressive. But if I was backwards-worming when I was walking down the street then naturally I would have to do the opposite whilst backtracking. Turning around just so that I could backwards-worm in the another direction would be just plain ridiculous. Furthermore, backwards-worming twice in a row would be so shockingly impressive that it would detract from the excitement of the derailed train (for those of you who disagree, SCREW YOU because you have clearly never seen me backwards worm). That’s why organized religion stinks — the scribes who wrote it just went way too far.
That’s just the name of the game folks. The blogosphere gets boring when people only wanna pretend to know about politics or regurgitate whatever they read in the paper that day. We gotta spice this shit up. My blogging name is Zuér. My real name is Leslie. See that? Sex[iness] sells. That’s why I put this picture of myself on my about page — I look dead sexy there, and if I didn’t you wouldn’t be reading this right now. FACT. You see how when you saw my picture you said to yourself, “god DA!mn this dude looks smokin hot”? That’s exactly what I was going for. And I got it. Why? Cuz I gives you what you want.
Here’s another fact — my blog audience has increased in size by 300% since I learned how to embellish (from 1 to 3 regulars). It’s elementary. Chapter 1 of How to be a Playa (which I also wrote).
On a serious note, I’m always honest in my blog other than when I’m going for a laugh. If you read this post and didn’t realize that it falls under this category, well, then, shame on me.
This was a delightfully painless Monday after a great weekend. Have a great week!
Lincoln Plaza cinemas is the best movie theater in the city. Not because of the size or comfort or decór or concession stand, but because damn near every movie they show there is great. They are dedicated to drawing attention to top notch, usually smaller budgeted independent and foreign films, and I have never seen a movie there that I didn’t like. The latest great showcase is “2 Days In Paris“, starring Adam Goldberg (who looks so damn familiar but I can’t place him. I know I’ve seen him in a bunch of other movie and TV cameos, usually cast in a supporting role as the nervous, nerdy type), and some chick. It’s about an American guy and his native French girlfriend who spend 2 days in Paris to visit her family, and while there, the many holes in their relationship are exposed. She keeps hiding details about her past to her boyfriend as he is exposed to them while meeting her family, friends, and, inevitably, ex-lovers. He’s already the nervous insecure type and is silently flipping out until everything comes to a head, where they have to decide whether or not to be together in spite of their flaws and newly revealed lack of understanding of one another. It’s a simple, honest movie, was really funny at times and doesnt get chick-flick-ish or too sentimental.
I also really liked it because I spent a few days in Paris this summer and I could completely relate to the experiences of the American while touring the city…going to parties where youre some kind of french poodle novelty because you’re American, overcoming stereotypes [that the French have about you and that you have about them], the language barrier and how isolated it can make you feel, and just the overall approach to life which, while is certainly not uniform among Parisians, but as a whole is so different from that of Americans. Oh, and also, not to stereotype or anything, but Parisians are real assholes. Adam Goldberg, I feel your pain.
4 tête de lapin (rabbit heads) out of 5 (you have to watch the movie to understand the rating)