Posted tagged ‘hillary clinton’

Al Gore’s Advice to Hillary: Get Sexy, Quick

May 16, 2008

I thought about this after reading this interesting post about the perception of Hillary as a boring candidate based on her endorsements (in comparison to Obama’s Rock-Star laden list). Hmm…a democratic candidate who is too boring to win? Who does that remind me of?

None other than Al “I’m too sexy for the white house cuz I won an Oscar” Gore!!

This man went from soul-less robot designed to look like a living human being to spontaneous sex-God in the span of about 4 seconds.

Ok, perhaps I embellish slightly. But the man created a buzz and definitely turned up the sexiness in a campaign criticized for lacking in charisma. And how did he do this?

All it took was some good old-fashioned hanky-panky with his wife..on national TV.

Have you ever seen Tipper so titillated? Neither have I. In fact, Al probably hadnt, either. And for those of you who don’t remember the buzz it stirred, read this.

A little public tonsil-hockey goes a long way on the campiagn trail. So Hil, Al and I agree that before you’re out for the count, you should make your power-move while you still can… and while the camera’s are still watching.


Photo of the Day: Why Obama Won the College-Male Vote

May 15, 2008

Because at the end of the day, every bro has to look himself in the mirror.


For you Hillary fans out there, no worries… I’m sure there are some sorority girls somewhere printing up pink “Chicks before Dicks”  t-shirts as we speak.  These things have a way of evening out.

Holla at Obama

May 6, 2008

Just a quick reminder to Indianians and North Carolinians to STEP UP today and help Barack Obama get jiggy wit it for the next 4 years.  He has promised to unleash this baller-ific victory dance if he wins.  As if you needed any more reasons to support this man. Crank Dat Obama!  

I’ll take this over a Hillary hokey-pokey any day of the week.

John McCain: 5 Things You Need to Know

April 25, 2008

Prepare to be shocked.

I just received a startling news revelation that there is a person running for president not named Obama or Clinton!

YES, John McCain is not a myth.  He is real.  And with all the crazy infighting between the Dems going on — I’d be surprised if this thing gets settled in a way that does not involve mudwrestling or a contest to see who can tell the best yo-mama joke — this McCain character actually stands a chance in a general election.  Which means that we need some dirt on this dude to find out what he’s all about.

And what better source than the amazing Jon Stewart?  With his assistance I will begin my McCain bashing, as it is never too early to sully the reputation of a future adversary. Stewart’s McCain highlights on a recent episode of the Daily Show  include the following juicy tidbits, along with my own ruminations:

McCain does NOT wear an American Flag lapel pin! What gives? Nazi bastard.

McCain cares deeply about civil rights and plans on being a pillar of the black community.  This is evidenced by the fact that he recently went to Selma, Alabama, home of the landmark civil rights march, for a speaking engagement about civil rights….in front of a crowd composed almost exclusively of white middle class citizens.  He was also later seen standing next to a black woman singing in a church, with an awkward smile and an alarmingly sweaty brow.  This man obviously loves black people.  He also has firmly stated that slavery was probably a bad thing and that he has seen the entire Roots mini-series, twice.  Now that is impressive. 

Personally, I’m not buying it.  You wanna see how he really feels?  Let’s see what happens when his daughter Meghan comes home one day with a big black dude she met at a G-Unit concert.  My guess is that Papa McCain’s 71 year old heart skips more than a few beats.

71. Jesus. There is a minimum age for presidential candidates, so why cant there be a maximum? This dude was born in the 30’s.  I’m afraid he might randomly enforce a food ration in anticipation of the next Great Depression (which, judging by the current value of the dollar, we might already be in).

McCain has a Reverend even crazier than Obama’s!  That is quite an accomplishment.   Actually, Rev. John Hagee is not McCain’s Pastor but is a prominent one who’s support was sought after by the McCain Campaign.  Hagee has been quoted as calling American Muslims disloyal, and thinks Hurricane Katrina was God’s punishment against New Orleans for being the Sin City of the south.  The difference here is that McCain totally stands by the endorsement from this jerk. How can he do this, but then also go on record as saying that Katrina was a terrible disaster that deserved much more attention and government assistance than it received? How can he be proud of this endorsement?

John McCain looks like and may actually be a leprechaun.  It’s true.

What if he’s not a nice leprechaun that helps you find gold and marshmellowy cereal but an evil leprechaun like from the movie Leprechaun with Jennifer Aniston!  This possibility can’t be ignored.

Lucky Charms my ass. You’re going down, McCain.


February 29, 2008


Hey NYT, what’s it like up BILLARY’S ass? They should know, theyve spent so much God damn time there lately.  I generally like to browse through the Times every day, but their constant pro-BILLARY editorials are really starting to piss me off.  First of all, I don’t think a newspaper should pubish an editorial exlaining its own support of a candidate in the first place, as the NYT did.  But I thought that after that opinion was expressed, theyd go back to what theyre actually sposed to be reporting — the NEWS.  Every other day I read another buttkissing Billary Op-Ed written under the guise of neutrality, and I think it’s a major blow to the paper’s rep.  This recent article was written by a supposed Republican who hates everything Clinton, but quickly turns into an explanation of why she is the best chance democrats have at reclaiming the White House.  Oh, but he still thinks Obama is a great guy, because he can make dumb college kids interested in politics.  Thanks for throwing us that bone, NYT.  Hillary is the better candidate, but Obama is one hip mamma-jamma!  That is propaganda on a platter, people.

It’s fine to have an opinion…but I prefer to read about them in blogs, not my daily newspaper. I expressed my displeasure by pissing on their comment wall, but they didnt rejected my comment! 

Oh, it’s on now.