Posted tagged ‘olympics’

The holy-crap-its-already-August Round Up

August 4, 2008

The summer is flyin by, and I’m not happy.  Gotta make the most of it while we can, folks.  Ive been trying to, but that’s only part of the reason why Ive been seriously slacking with the posts…believe it or not, Ive actually been busting my ass at work.  Despite my best efforts to evade acknowledgment and remain anonymous in all aspects of the company other than the payroll, word got out that I actually exist and have the capacity to tackle a larger workload.  Sons of bitches…

Here’s another patented ramble to update you on my life, and ruminations on everything relevant (to me) outside of it:

•Just back from a weekend down on the Jersey Shore, where I stayed at my friends awesome beach house.  Saturday was a fucking monsoon and I got kicked out of the water because the sissy lifeguards were afraid of the raging lightening.  Wimps.  Sunday made up for it though…started the day early and got in plenty of sun, and my arabian skin did great under the pressure (I only used SPF 8 sunblock).  Came back to work today lookin extra crispy, wearing white to accentuate the contrast, which made all the home-bodies in my office hate my guts.  Mission accomplished.

•Reading Things Fall Apart right now.  It was assigned in college but I Sparknote’d that biatch.  My friend Andrew gave me a spare copy and I thought I should actually read it, being it’s a classic and I haven’t read any other books set in Africa.  More to come on this.  No spoilers, please.

•I lost my phone in a  taxi after it fell out my pocket.  No one called or tried to return it.  I hate that.  Ive found phones before and went to crazy lengths to get it back to the owner.  Feels pretty crappy, cuz I know someone found it…  Ah well, I have insurance cuz I know I always lose or damage my phones; the list is pretty impressive.  I’ve dropped a phone down a sewer grate, in the toilet, in four feet of snow and couldnt find it, one fell on the street and got ran over by a truck…I could go on for a while.  That’s why I am the only person in the world who has no interest in an iPhone…I know Im gonna lose that shit in a week.  Not much of a gadget person anyway…long as I can make a phone call and it’s smaller than the one Zack Morris used to pull out of his ass in Saved By the Bell,  then I’m all good.

•SPORTS. Ok, plenty of quick thought, cuz each is deserving of it’s own post…  Brett Favre is a selfish bastard and the Packers are assholes for now declaring that he can compete for the starting QB job, after all this freaking talk about being committed to Aaron Rodgers.  They totally gave in to this drama queen.  They drafted Brian Brohm because Favre said for the 716th time that he was definitely hanging up his helmet.  He put the Packers in such a bad spot, and for that reason alone they shouldve had the stones to move on.  Federer is losing his #1 ranking, but is still the best player in the world.  I think he’s gonna bounce back in a big way, and people are nuts for prematurely predicting his demise.  Manny to the Dodgers is good for both teams. He is gonna play great there (a motivated Manny is the most dangerous hitter in the league), and the Red Sox dont deserve the negative backlash theyve gotten since the trade.  That team won 2 championships because of team chemistry, and Manny gave up on them and called out management on a daily basis.  Francona is the best skipper in the league and he needs respect from everyone in his clubhouse.  They gave up a lot, but in getting Jason Bay and ridding themselves of a clubhouse cancer, theyre a contender that will only get better.  Team USA basketball is looking great in their tuneups, and D-Wade is STRAIGHT UP NASTY.  Do not sleep on this man!!  He lost some luster in the eyes of many the last two years because of serious injuries, but somehow he looks more explosive than ever and has been their #1 highlight reel so far (and he’s a only sixth man).  I’m not afraid to say it: USA Basketball is gonna dominate the Olympics.  Write it down, bitches.  Ron Artest to the Rockets?  I’d be lying if I said I’m sure it’s gonna work, because Artest truly does deserve his rep as a headcase.  But the conditions are as good as they can be, as he’s playing for a coach who he actually respects, in a system he can benefit from, will be asked to contribute offensively and handle the ball at times, which will make him happy since he’s always clamoring about not being utilized offensively, and Shane Battier can come off the bench as a top sixth man who can play multiple positions.  The Rockets are my fav team after the Knicks, and, if by some strange turn of events the Knicks do not win a championship this year, I want the Rockets to go all the way.  T-Mac is too damn good to never get out of the first round. 

•McCain is a dirty bastard and his attack ads are ridiculous.  Trying to knock Obama as a leader by comparing calling him a celebrity in the likes of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears?  That shit is weak.

What a loser.  Later y’all.

What’s for lunch? My Daily Conundrum

April 11, 2008

Working (“working”) in an office, you learn how to accustom yourself to what was once an unbearable boredom by gradually dulling your senses…playing solitaire or online poker or sudoku for hours on end, or in my case, reading every sports article on every sports website 5 times, then quickly browsing through a newspaper so I can pretend to be informed just enough to save face when someone corners me and wants to shoot the breeze about the latest election news, plummeting interest rates, or the current trajectory of the olympic torch.  After a while, your brain goes numb, keeping only a few brain cells active so you can pull up a spreadsheet whenever a stealthy passerby enters the range of your peripheral vision.  If done correctly, you can enter into a sufi-like trance until the little hand hits “5” and real life resumes outside of your cubicle-shaped confines.

However, there is one other instance during the workday in which I find the need to shake my mental mouse and take my brain off stand-by: lunchtime.  When the dude behind me heats up the homemade food his wife makes and packs for him every day (lucky bastard), the amazing aroma floats over to my desk and bitch slaps me back to reality.  At that time, there is only one thing on my mind – what the hell am I gonna eat for lunch today??  There are tons of options in Manhattan within walking distance, which is a bad thing for someone as indecisive as me.  There are a host of variables that must be considered and re-evaluated daily before a decision can be made:

proximity to my office…how far do I feel like walking? Am I gonna have a walking buddy today?

weather – if it’s raining, should I order in, or just get some soup from the dude with the cart downstairs? If it’s a nice day, do i wanna go to a place where I can sit outside?

what did I get yesterday, or the day before? I dont wanna eat the same thing again so soon. 

how expensive is this place I’m interested in? what excuse can I think of to warrant a guilt-free splurge?

Do I feel like being healthy today, or did I run enough yesterday to deserve a delicious greasy cheeseburger and sweet potato fries?

what?! I can only get two side dips with my quesadilla?  I need salsa, guacamole, AND sour cream… the three of them together make the colors of the Mexican flag! Ok fine, guac and sour cream.  I think I have some hot sauce packets in my desk anyway.

Chicken or beef…chicken or beef…chicken or beef, or shrimp..no, shrimp is $2 extra…chicken or beef..chicken or beef..

Does that place have a good lunch special?  Do I get a free soup or something? I don’t feel like a valued customer unless I get my free side thing.

How crowded does this place get?  Do I feel like going to the burrito place and waiting for 20 minutes?  Are the free (stale) chips and (watery) salsa they serve while you wait good enough to warrant that? (YES)

How big are the portions there?  Will it fill me up? Or better yet, will I have some extra to save for dinner? Two meals in one…SCORE!

There are countless other variables and permutations.  For example, if my boss is out today then I might decide that a 2 hour lunch is completely acceptable and in fact would serve only to increase my morale and, by extension, my productivity.  I also meet up friends for lunch sometimes and may want to go somewhere nicer and where I’m sure there will be seats without a long wait.  If I’m sick I may narrow my choices down to warm, easily digestible things like soup and decide amongst that subset.  And this doesn’t even take into consideration the days that we order in on the office tab, or when some people who had a lunch meeting ordered way too much food, and then we get an email from an astute assistant urging us to make a mad-dash to the kitchen and get the getting while it’s good.

With all these choices, my brain is forced into a rare flurry of activity before 5pm.  It is a quagmire that I find myself enveloped in every day at the office. And though I dread the decision making process, I’m not a picky eater and usually enjoy whatever I end up with.  And then, after I eat, always too quickly and with minimal chewing, I slowly fall back into my sufi-like trance, this time aided by an ascending digestive coma, ready to roam the labyrinthine annals of the world wide web once again .